365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 159: Friday the 13th

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Do you know why things such as “Friday the 13th” have power over people?

Because people give them power.

When I was a child I used to be worried and apprehensive about Friday the 13th, not because of my own experiences on the actual date, but because of the stories I had heard from family and friends.

Someone decided one day that Friday the 13th is not an auspicious date, and somehow it propagated into some kind of mass trance. The same is true about many other beliefs.

Things and facts and events only carry the weight that we are giving them.

Friday the 13th is a wonderful day to wake up in the morning, enjoy your coffee and decide how you are going to spend the day: with an open heart or in fear.

I’ll raise my glass to Friday the 13th!

Your choice!

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 158: So What If I Changed My mind?

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We are allowed to change our minds. Nothing is carved in stone, and we can take a different direction if the current one does not seem right anymore.

What is most important is that we do pay attention and follow the promptings of our souls.

Following our bliss, as Joseph Campbell said, is what matters most.

I shared with you my struggles to get accepted to a university. After four years and as many failed attempts I did pass the entrance exams and started the Applied Computer Science studies at the Academy of Economic Studies in Bucharest. Was that my passion? No. I did enjoy studying and going to courses and preparing for exams though.

Probably because I so had wanted to go to university – like all my friends and colleagues did – being a student was quite thrilling and exciting for the first couple of years. I completed the 5 years of study and all that was left in order for me to graduate is write and defend my thesis.

And that is exactly when I moved to Canada. My landed emigrant visa would have expired if I waited to graduate. And so, I moved to Toronto, with the intention to write my thesis and return to Bucharest to defend it within the next two years.

I never did.

Why?

Because I really wanted something different in my life; because I realized having a job behind a desk would make me truly unhappy; because I wanted to teach people how to move; because I wanted to open an aerobics studio; because I felt that my inner calling was asking me to change course.

So now you might be asking what some people asked all those years ago: Why? Why didn’t you write the thesis and got your degree? Why not go all the way, after how hard you worked to get there?

Here’s my very simple answer: following that path would have been taxing for me and a complete waste of time.

Another year spent pursuing something that I was not passionate about would have have delayed my desire to follow something I really wanted to do and that brought me where I am today.

Changing my mind allowed me to start building the life I wanted sooner.

So yes, you are allowed to change your mind too!

Is there anything you would like to change your mind about?

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 150: The In-Between Time

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Whenever we are ready to create something new in our lives, to grow, to evolve and to undergo a great transformation, we put the process in motion by wanting it, by desiring it, by dreaming of it.

By the simple process of truly desiring something we send our energetic being forward, to lead the way and pull through the physical manifestation of our dreams.

In the world of pure potentiality we have already arrived to where we want to be. The physical, material world changes at a slower pace, so there is a delay between the moment of energetic creation and the moment of physical manifestation. The duration of the delay between the moment of desire and the moment when the desire becomes reality depends on the greatness of the dream; it depends on how great a transformation we want to achieve.

This  is the in-between time, the waiting time. What we do during this time will bring the change faster or will delay it even more. If we relax and trust that we will get there, we shorten our wait. If we worry and fear that our dreams will never come true, then we lengthen our wait and sometimes even reverse the process; and end up where we initially started to wish for something different. So then we have to start again.

It might seem quite complex to grasp, but it is really simple: we discover that we don’t like where we are right now and we desire something different; when we desire it, the world of pure potentiality creates it; we wait, feeling grateful for what is already in the process of arriving and we trust that it will happen; and then it does.

So, it is simple, isn’t it?

Can you do it?

Will you desire something right now and then trust that it will happen?

What will you do in the in-between time?

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 149: Feeling Stumped

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For the first time since I started writing this blog, 149 days ago, today I feel that I have nothing to write about, and I have to admit that I feel a little stumped. I have been writing with ease all this time, but today words do not want to come. I find that I cannot write anything that feels in alignment with this journey I have embarked on.

So, as I always do when I do not know what to do, I accept what is in this very moment and ask for the next step to be revealed to me. I honor this process and will not force a subject for my post to come through.

I am opening up even more and I am OK with it all.

I am comfortable with not knowing.

I know that things are shifting and I relax into this process.

I trust life and I trust myself.

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 53: Emotional Cleansing Part 1

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Many years back I came to understand that the way I was responding to other people’s actions, to events and life in general was primarily determined by my general emotional state, which in turn was defined by the total sum of everything that I had experienced in my life up to that point. I started to wonder what part of my actions was truly conscious and what part was just unconscious reaction. As at the time I did not have the answer, I made a pact with myself to find the truth and in order to do that I had to wipe my emotional slate clean. And so I started a powerful, sometimes joyful but many times heart wrenching journey of emotional clearing and cleansing.

I am very grateful for taking the steps to create a state of emotional cleanliness and today I am starting to share with you what I mean by that. I want you to start the process of cleansing at the emotional level, so that your life is made of conscious actions. I want you to be the creator of your life, not just “be lived” by the events and circumstances in your life.

Yesterday I was writing about the importance of healing the relationship you have with yourself.

Today is Day 1 of your emotional cleansing process. I call it EM-CLEANSE. I developed a program I use with my clients to teach this concept and show them how to clear their emotional slate so that it does not define how they respond to challenges, events, circumstances and other people’s actions. I want to share this concept with you. This is my gift to you, as a way of expressing my gratitude.

So let’s start.

Do you believe in less chemicals and a cleaner environment?

Do you care about the foods you eat and the products you use on your skin?

Do you believe in being clean and toxin free inside and out?

How about your emotional cleanliness?

Have you ever heard about this concept before?

They do not teach in schools about it, but its lack creates stress and distress in your life.

Feelings of criticism toward yourself and others, anger towards yourself or others, fear, unworthiness, anger, frustration, judgment, defeat, despair with regards to your relationships, love life, work, family, finances, physical fitness or health create platform of distress in the body and the mind.

Left un-cleared, these feelings become emotional residues that create a build up which is detrimental to your general well-being and health and affects both your mental and physical states. If not fully expressed, emotions can and do create the emotional residues that remains in your body for days, weeks, months or years, until you fully release them.

“See” you tomorrow. Get ready!

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 52: What about shame?

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Yesterday I received a question about allowing others to treat us with disrespect, even when we don’t want to be treated that way. The comment to my post said:

“I wonder if it’s even harder when you really knew you didn’t have to take it, but you did anyway. I guess that is a different emotion: shame.”

And my response was:

“I understand what you are saying, but think about it: if you were able to do it differently, you would have done it differently. Since you did not, it means that you were not really able to.”

Louise Hay says that at any given moment, we do what we think is best, with the understanding we have at the time and with the emotional intelligence we poses at the time. It all comes down to how much we value ourselves. When we truly value who we are, we are kind to ourselves and to other people. We do not treat ourselves unkindly, we respect everybody else and we do not allow others to do disrespect or treat us unkindly either.

Do you see? It is not about feeling shame because you let someone be unkind, mean, judgmental or controlling towards you. Shame is a very destructive emotion; shame chips away at your self-esteem and diminishes your life force. If you truly understand the level you were at in your opinion of yourself and what you thought you were worth and deserving of, then you do understand that you did the best you could at the time. At the time, you might have believed that you did not deserve to be treated with respect, with kindness and understanding. Feeling ashamed about it will not help you at all.

This is very powerful and I am grateful for having allowed this deep healing to take place. As I understood the fact that for many years I felt small, afraid and did not believe in my own value as a person, I started to heal my guilt, shame and feeling powerless. This is a process that we all need to go through in order to create the lives we desire. This process is not about feeling shame, it is about allowing our inner power to shine.

Today I am inviting you to look deep inside yourself and examine what was your belief about yourself at a time when you allowed another person to treat you with disrespect. As you heal your limiting beliefs, you will also heal your relationships.

But first, you must heal the relationship you have with yourself.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 51: Angry With Yourself?

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As I wrote yesterday, I am grateful for the understanding that I am the only creator of my life and the freedom that comes from releasing blame. I am also very grateful for understanding that being angry with myself does not serve me or anyone else around me.

In my post two days ago I wrote that when anger comes up from somewhere deep inside yourself, there are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do

2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

Yesterday I explained why you cannot be angry with somebody else for the things that are happening in your life. Today let’s look at OPTION 2: You are angry with YOURSELF.

Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. YOU are the only creator of your life and you are responsible for YOUR happiness ONLY.

In every situation that you are still angry about, YOU AND ONLY YOU were responsible for standing up for yourself and for having your own back. This means that you angry not with someone else, but WITH YOURSELF.

People say that this type of anger is even harder to let go of.

Is it, really?

With the greater understanding that you are not angry with others but with yourself, let’s work this part together as well. We are getting to the core of this anger issue.

Are THEY responsible for what they did or said and for how they treated you?

The answer is YES! Yes, THEY WERE AND ARE responsible for what THEY DID AND DO AND FOR WHAT THEY SAID OR STILL SAY. They are responsible for ALL THEIR ACTIONS.

And you are responsible for all YOUR actions!

Why did YOU allow others to treat you the way they did? Why did YOU take it? Why did YOU not say something when you really wanted to? Why did YOU not stand up for yourself?

The answer is very simple and will release the blame you might have for yourself: at the time, YOU DID NOT KNOW what else to do. You did not know that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE how YOU want to be treated. You thought you had to stick it out, to be kind and patient and wait for the other to see the truth, to realize what they were doing to you and to see you for who you really are.

Well, you do not have to wait patiently until someone else realizes that you have the right to be treated with respect. You have to start treating yourself with respect.

With this deeper understanding of your old choices, look at yourself back then and acknowledge how afraid, lonely and small you really felt. If the YOU back then knew what you KNOW NOW, do you think the events would have taken the same turn? Of course not! You would have seen the signs and made your choices based on respect and love for yourself.

Would you be angry with a child because they don’t know how things work, stick a nail in the electrical outlet and get zapped? You would not be angry; you would be very concerned and teach them that electrical outlets are dangerous and could really hurt them. You would tell them that you love them and that you want them to be safe.

From an emotional perspective, back then YOU WERE A CHILD. So take a moment now and see the child that you were then, doing his or her best the only way they knew how. You did what you knew, how you knew it and with the understanding you had back then. Back then, you thought that electrical outlets were toys. But now you know they are not and you stay away from them.

Seeing yourself in this light releases your anger, doesn’t it?

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 50: Angry with Somebody Else?

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Today I am grateful for the understanding that I am the only creator of my life and the freedom that comes from releasing blame. I want you to fully let go of past hurt, anger and blame and feel the amount of inner power that comes from this healing.

In yesterday’s post I wrote that when anger comes up from somewhere deep inside yourself, there are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do

2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

Today let’s look at OPTION 1: You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE.

First of all, I want you to understand that nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. Not your parents, not your spouse/partner, not your job, not your bank account, not your friends or relatives; you are the sole creator of your experience. When you feel confused and being pulled in several directions it is because you do not fully understand yet that only YOU have the capacity to create your life as you desire it to be.

YOU are the only creator of your life and you are responsible for YOUR happiness ONLY. If you take care of your well-being, fulfillment and happiness first, you empower others to do the same; you will always have the resources to assist others, to offer help from your heart and to make a difference.

You are NOT responsible for making others happy, or behave in ways that they agree with or approve of.

Your efforts must be directed towards your authenticity: saying what you are feeling, and acting in ways that RESPECT AND HONOR WHO YOU ARE. There is nothing bad or wrong with what you feel, it is just a signal that some adjustments needs to be done by you, in your life, in order to restore or create your well-being. There are no labels for what you feel. It is not good or bad, it just is what it this in the moment.

What matters is what you CHOOSE to do about what you are feeling.

With this understanding, let’s go back to your being angry with somebody else. Since you are the only person capable of shaping YOUR life, why are you REALLY angry with them? You expected them to please you or at least meet you half way. You laid a large burden on their shoulders to behave a certain way and when things got hard, you felt hurt.

You had expectations of them and you got angry when THEY could not live up to YOUR expectation of what they were supposed to do. All along, you were the only one responsible for making it better, for changing it, for standing up for yourself and for standing behind yourself.

Buddha said:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Let go of the hot coal! The other person does not feel its intense heat, YOU ARE GETTING BURNED BY IT.

You are making others responsible for making it better, or keeping others responsible for having made it so hard for you, when they are not.

YOU are creating YOUR LIFE and they are creating theirs. Others may or may not meet you half way.

By choosing to remain angry, you keep giving away your strength and life force.

Open your hand, let go of the hot coal and heal.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 49: Letting Go Of Anger

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Here’s another big thing that  I am very grateful for: I have learned that anger only hurts me. My being angry does not solve anything, but it can definitely poison my days and my nights. So I made a decision a long time ago to not spend any time on being angry; that is to not spend anymore time than the 90 seconds required for the anger to flush through my system. I wrote about the 90 second rule in my post on Day 9 .

I often talk to my clients about the healing power of letting go of anger. In one of my programs about emotional cleansing, I was asked the following question:

“Other people have really hurt me, how do I release this anger? How do I let it go? I am angry and I am hurting.”

Do you feel like this too? Are you angry because of something that someone else did? Ok, let’s talk about this. And when I am done answering this question, I will share with you one of the most powerful moments of my life. I will share with you the gift of my sister’s death.

Anger is what is left behind after circumstances, events and encounters that have not been easy for you and during which you felt that you were being hurt.

I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with feeling anger. Since we are emotionally equipped for feeling it, it is meant to be part of our human existence. Anger puts us into motion, forces us to find answers and makes us take action. It is healthy to allow yourself to feel anger fully.

The important point is: HOW LONG are you going to stay angry for?

Remember the 90 Second Rule? That is all the time that your body needs to feel, process and let go of anger. If you are still angry days, weeks, months or even years after it all ended, you are doing so by choice.

Now, I need to stop here for a second, so that you can read the last sentence again.

Even though you might be feeling your anger rising right now at the very concept of your choosing your anger, think about it this way: anger is linked to blame. You are angry because you are blaming someone for your pain. You are caught in a vicious cycle of blame, in a burning ring of anger.

There are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do
2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

I will explain these two options in my next post, so stay with me. This is important.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 48: Beyond Fear Part 15 – Are You Fearless Now?

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I am really grateful for everything I have learned about my own fears and for being able to share it all with you. Thank you for coming with me on this journey to let go of fear and live joyously, freely, fearlessly. It will take you a few weeks to go through your list and let your fears go one by one, but you will get it done and you will feel FREE. The fear series has reached its end. Today is day 15 of the “Beyond Fear” posts and so, I will close with a few powerful quotes:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness,  that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

 

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

 

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” – Dale Carnegie

 

“To fear is one thing.  To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.” – Katherine Paterson

 

“FEAR IS BECOMING RAMPANT on the planet. We can see it every day in the news. Fear is a lack of trust in ourselves, and because of this, we don’t trust Life. We don’t trust that we’re being taken care of on a higher level, so we feel we must control everything from the physical level. Obviously, we’re going to feel fear because we can’t control everything in our lives. Trust is what we learn when we want to overcome our fears. It’s called “taking a leap of faith” and trusting in the Power within that’s connected to Universal Intelligence. Remember, the Power that supplies our breath is the same Power that created the Universe.” – Louise Hay

 Love,

Rucsandra