365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 19: Memory Banks Part 2 – The Thunderbolt

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About 16 years ago, I was on a streetcar, going to teach my Pilates classes at a studio in Toronto. I was sitting down, deep in my thoughts. After a couple of stops, I became aware of my surroundings and looked out the window. And that is when a powerful moment of truth and awareness descended upon me.  What I saw out the window was the great catalyst for the transformation that started right then and there and that will continue until the day I am ready to leave my physical body. What I saw when I looked out the window was the most spectacular fall day: leaves of green and yellow, gold, red and burgundy, all dancing together in a calm breeze under the bluest of skies. There was a shimmer of divine beauty in the air and I gasped. The fall didn’t just start that day; for the leaves to have all their fall colors, it must have been going on for a while.

How come I did not notice? It is my favorite season after all, and that year I almost missed it. Why? Where was I? Did I miss last fall too? I tried to remember the previous year’s fall and could not. This defining moment led me to ask a deep question: “AM I MISSING MY LIFE? If I have no idea that it was fall already and I can’t remember last year’s fall either, what have I been doing?

I realized that I was being devoured by my own unhappiness, un-fulfillment, thoughts, emotions and fears. I was not living my life. I was being lived by how I felt inside. It was such a powerful moment of awareness and truth that I made a promise to myself to not waste any more time:

“I do not know how or why I am in a place inside myself that causes me miss my favorite season. What I know is that from now on I am committed to LIVE my life fully. I do not care what I have to look at, see inside myself and others or bring out from deep inside myself. I will face my fears and memories, one by one until there will be none left. I will face my hurts and my emotions. I will live fully as myself. I will create the life of my dreams! I will not miss fall again.” 

I felt like a thunderbolt had just ripped through illusion and allowed me to find a voice to ask for a great life. That moment on the streetcar on St. Clair Street in Toronto was a moment of choice, amplified by the intensity of my feelings and the power of my intention. As a result of this experience, my life started to change. It did not change overnight, all challenges and fears did not miraculously disappear, and I did not feel instantly powerful and clear, creative and free. But what I felt was a deep seated courage to listen to myself, to look inside my being and heal the wounds of the past; to face the coming changes with courage and patience and with more understanding for myself.

 

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 12: Awakening

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A client asked me a few days ago: “How do we help? There are so many people in the world who need help, it feels really  overwhelming. I contribute to a few charities; what else can I do? It is daunting.”

My response is the subject for today’s gratitude post. I am grateful for the understanding I have come to have that I must bring transformation and awareness in myself first if I want to contribute to our world in a positive and powerful manner.

Every single one of us is part of the grand tapestry of humanity. We are energetically connected, whether we believe it or not, and so we have an extraordinary power to influence our common energetic field. The key is to start with ourselves, to clear away what is negative and dark inside ourselves. We need to learn to unconditionally love ourselves before we can unconditionally love others. We must look at ourselves with compassion and understanding because if we cannot, we are not ready to be compassionate towards others.

We change the world by changing our inner selves. We help humanity by letting go of judgement toward ourselves and others, by being honest with ourselves and others; by showing compassion and kindness for ourselves and for others. If we do all that, then the energy we put out into our immediate world of family and friends becomes a healing energy, which will ignite transformation in those we love first.  And that will propagate in many directions, in waves and waves throughout larger communities, into the greater energetic field of humanity.

How appropriate it is that I found this quote on Facebook today: “If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.”~Lao Tzu