365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 52: What about shame?

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

Yesterday I received a question about allowing others to treat us with disrespect, even when we don’t want to be treated that way. The comment to my post said:

“I wonder if it’s even harder when you really knew you didn’t have to take it, but you did anyway. I guess that is a different emotion: shame.”

And my response was:

“I understand what you are saying, but think about it: if you were able to do it differently, you would have done it differently. Since you did not, it means that you were not really able to.”

Louise Hay says that at any given moment, we do what we think is best, with the understanding we have at the time and with the emotional intelligence we poses at the time. It all comes down to how much we value ourselves. When we truly value who we are, we are kind to ourselves and to other people. We do not treat ourselves unkindly, we respect everybody else and we do not allow others to do disrespect or treat us unkindly either.

Do you see? It is not about feeling shame because you let someone be unkind, mean, judgmental or controlling towards you. Shame is a very destructive emotion; shame chips away at your self-esteem and diminishes your life force. If you truly understand the level you were at in your opinion of yourself and what you thought you were worth and deserving of, then you do understand that you did the best you could at the time. At the time, you might have believed that you did not deserve to be treated with respect, with kindness and understanding. Feeling ashamed about it will not help you at all.

This is very powerful and I am grateful for having allowed this deep healing to take place. As I understood the fact that for many years I felt small, afraid and did not believe in my own value as a person, I started to heal my guilt, shame and feeling powerless. This is a process that we all need to go through in order to create the lives we desire. This process is not about feeling shame, it is about allowing our inner power to shine.

Today I am inviting you to look deep inside yourself and examine what was your belief about yourself at a time when you allowed another person to treat you with disrespect. As you heal your limiting beliefs, you will also heal your relationships.

But first, you must heal the relationship you have with yourself.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 51: Angry With Yourself?

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

As I wrote yesterday, I am grateful for the understanding that I am the only creator of my life and the freedom that comes from releasing blame. I am also very grateful for understanding that being angry with myself does not serve me or anyone else around me.

In my post two days ago I wrote that when anger comes up from somewhere deep inside yourself, there are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do

2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

Yesterday I explained why you cannot be angry with somebody else for the things that are happening in your life. Today let’s look at OPTION 2: You are angry with YOURSELF.

Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. YOU are the only creator of your life and you are responsible for YOUR happiness ONLY.

In every situation that you are still angry about, YOU AND ONLY YOU were responsible for standing up for yourself and for having your own back. This means that you angry not with someone else, but WITH YOURSELF.

People say that this type of anger is even harder to let go of.

Is it, really?

With the greater understanding that you are not angry with others but with yourself, let’s work this part together as well. We are getting to the core of this anger issue.

Are THEY responsible for what they did or said and for how they treated you?

The answer is YES! Yes, THEY WERE AND ARE responsible for what THEY DID AND DO AND FOR WHAT THEY SAID OR STILL SAY. They are responsible for ALL THEIR ACTIONS.

And you are responsible for all YOUR actions!

Why did YOU allow others to treat you the way they did? Why did YOU take it? Why did YOU not say something when you really wanted to? Why did YOU not stand up for yourself?

The answer is very simple and will release the blame you might have for yourself: at the time, YOU DID NOT KNOW what else to do. You did not know that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE how YOU want to be treated. You thought you had to stick it out, to be kind and patient and wait for the other to see the truth, to realize what they were doing to you and to see you for who you really are.

Well, you do not have to wait patiently until someone else realizes that you have the right to be treated with respect. You have to start treating yourself with respect.

With this deeper understanding of your old choices, look at yourself back then and acknowledge how afraid, lonely and small you really felt. If the YOU back then knew what you KNOW NOW, do you think the events would have taken the same turn? Of course not! You would have seen the signs and made your choices based on respect and love for yourself.

Would you be angry with a child because they don’t know how things work, stick a nail in the electrical outlet and get zapped? You would not be angry; you would be very concerned and teach them that electrical outlets are dangerous and could really hurt them. You would tell them that you love them and that you want them to be safe.

From an emotional perspective, back then YOU WERE A CHILD. So take a moment now and see the child that you were then, doing his or her best the only way they knew how. You did what you knew, how you knew it and with the understanding you had back then. Back then, you thought that electrical outlets were toys. But now you know they are not and you stay away from them.

Seeing yourself in this light releases your anger, doesn’t it?

Love,

Rucsandra