365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 60: Emotional Cleansing Part 8 – Feeling-based Awareness

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Feeling-based awareness is the ability to know what it is that you are feeling, independent of the situation you are in and the person you are talking to; it is also the ability to identify and name your feelings (anger, happiness, frustration, hesitation, fear, love, loneliness, fearlessness, shyness, patience, impatience).

Feeling-based awareness is necessary in order to be in touch with yourself. It is not another person, the circumstances you are in or the world at large that create your world, it is YOU. By gaining full and unobstructed access to yourself, you will be able to create your life the way YOU want it to be.

In order to become feeling-based aware you can start by paying attention to what it is that you feeling in this moment. Through the feeling-based awareness you create a deeper and stronger connection to YOURSELF.

You probably already know and use some of these on a daily basis, but here’s a list of 7 different practices to help you become feeling-based aware:

  1. BREATHE DEEPLY when you feel a powerful emotion; make it a habit to focus on your breath.
  2. DECIDE NOT TO REACT to what you feel in the moment, when you are triggered. Observe what you feel and be curious about this whole process.
  3. PRACTICE NON-JUDGMENT towards what you feel, without discrimination. Feel what you feel and allow it to be. No judgment.
  4. Stop several times throughout the day to examine how you feel and what thought created the current feeling. Not what circumstance, event or person, but WHAT THOUGHT CREATED THAT SPECIFIC FEELING.
  5. Start practicing the 90-SECOND RULE. Do not get frustrated; just become aware of what makes it hard for you to fully apply it to your current circumstance or situation.
  6. MAINTAIN A LIGHT AND SOFT APPROACH towards this process, as you are learning to connect with yourself at a deeper level than ever before.
  7. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL. Whether it is a new feeling or a deeply buried one, if it comes to the surface, allow it and look at it with curiosity and patience.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 59: Emotional Cleansing Part 7 – Definition

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Not being able to let go of past hurt and emotional pain is not your essence, is not in your true nature. It is something that you learned through fear. As you now know, after reading my “Beyond Fear” series of posts, you were taught to fear almost everything around you. Every single event in your life caused you to have an emotional response that influenced the quality of your EMOTIONAL LENS.

Every time you felt loved, cherished, supported and encouraged your emotional lens became clearer, more focused and created a sharper, cleaner image of everything you looked at.

Every time you felt lonely, unloved, unsupported or mistreated your lens accumulated more dust and became more opaque, less transparent and created more distortion. That is, UNLESS you went beyond the circumstances and events that caused you to feel the negative emotions and CLEARED AWAY THE EMOTIONAL RESIDUES LEFT BEHIND.

Most people do not know A VERY IMPORTANT PHYSIOLOGICAL TRUTH: once a feeling is triggered and felt, the physical body lets go of it in a matter of seconds. From a cellular and chemical perspective, you are done with it in less than 2 minutes. I wrote about this important fact on Day 9 : The 90 Second Rule.

The reason why emotions end up as emotional debris, created 5 or 10 or 30 years ago, is the fact that you chose to keep thinking thoughts that recreate that very same emotions over and over again. Yes, it is a choice. I know that this might be hard to hear (or read), but this is the absolute truth. It is YOUR CHOICE to let go, or go back in the loop and recreate with your thoughts the same chemical response that created the emotion in the first place. I found this fact to be truly powerful and life changing: IN LESS THAN 2 MINUTES THE BODY IS READY TO RELEASE A FEELING, ANY FEELING, and ANY EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.

And now, here is my definition of emotional cleanliness:

“EMOTIONAL CLEANLINESS can be defined as the capacity to see, hear and feel events, circumstances and other people’s words and actions, and to respond to these stimuli from a vantage point of love and inner power, unhindered, unconditioned and unlimited by the layers of past and present un-released emotional debris.”

This says it all.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 49: Letting Go Of Anger

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Here’s another big thing that  I am very grateful for: I have learned that anger only hurts me. My being angry does not solve anything, but it can definitely poison my days and my nights. So I made a decision a long time ago to not spend any time on being angry; that is to not spend anymore time than the 90 seconds required for the anger to flush through my system. I wrote about the 90 second rule in my post on Day 9 .

I often talk to my clients about the healing power of letting go of anger. In one of my programs about emotional cleansing, I was asked the following question:

“Other people have really hurt me, how do I release this anger? How do I let it go? I am angry and I am hurting.”

Do you feel like this too? Are you angry because of something that someone else did? Ok, let’s talk about this. And when I am done answering this question, I will share with you one of the most powerful moments of my life. I will share with you the gift of my sister’s death.

Anger is what is left behind after circumstances, events and encounters that have not been easy for you and during which you felt that you were being hurt.

I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with feeling anger. Since we are emotionally equipped for feeling it, it is meant to be part of our human existence. Anger puts us into motion, forces us to find answers and makes us take action. It is healthy to allow yourself to feel anger fully.

The important point is: HOW LONG are you going to stay angry for?

Remember the 90 Second Rule? That is all the time that your body needs to feel, process and let go of anger. If you are still angry days, weeks, months or even years after it all ended, you are doing so by choice.

Now, I need to stop here for a second, so that you can read the last sentence again.

Even though you might be feeling your anger rising right now at the very concept of your choosing your anger, think about it this way: anger is linked to blame. You are angry because you are blaming someone for your pain. You are caught in a vicious cycle of blame, in a burning ring of anger.

There are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do
2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

I will explain these two options in my next post, so stay with me. This is important.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 9: The 90-Second Rule

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I am very grateful for having found out, a few years back about the 90-Second Rule in Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor‘s book “My Stroke of Insight”. I talked about this book before, in my post about my sister Ioana. Today I want to share with you the 90-Second Rule, because it changed how I deal with my emotions and maybe it will help you too.

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained brain scientist, suffered a stroke at the age of 37. She had the rare opportunity as a scientist to study the working of her own brain at first-hand from the inside out. In her recovery process, she witnessed her emotional responses to different stimuli and she determined that it only took 90 seconds to have an emotional circuit triggered, flush a physiological response through the body and then flush it completely out of the system.

She calls it THE 90-SECOND RULE. She says: “We can all learn that we can take full responsibility for what thoughts we are thinking and what emotional circuitry we are feeling. Knowing this and acting on this can lead us into feeling a wonderful sense of well-being and peacefulness.”

Dr. Taylor goes on saying that it does not matter if it is the fear circuitry or the anger circuitry or even the joy circuitry: “…it is really hard to hold a good belly laugh for more than 90 seconds naturally. The 90-second rule is totally empowering. That means for 90 seconds, I can watch this happen, I can feel this happen and I can watch it go away. After that, if I continue to feel that fear or feel that anger, I need to look at the thoughts I am thinking that are re-stimulating that circuitry that is resulting in me having this physiology over and over again.”

Isn’t that something that you are glad to have found out? I know that for me it was like a lightning bolt struck my awareness and shifted my perception about emotional processes and releasing mechanisms.

In 90 seconds, the brain and the entire physiology are DONE with the emotional response to fear, joy, despair, happiness, anger and so on. It is what WE CHOOSE TO THINK AFTER THAT 90 SECOND PERIOD that determines our emotional cleanliness or the ever growing piles of emotional debris.

It takes less than two minutes to let go. Isn’t this remarkable? Isn’t this powerful and empowering? Try it. I have and it changed my awareness.

I will leave you today with a a quote from one of the first tenured women at the Harvard Business School, Shoshana Zuboff who earned her Ph.D. in social psychology from Harvard University and her B.A. in philosophy from the University of Chicago:

“Awareness requires a rupture with the world we take for granted; then old categories of experience are called into question and revised.”