365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 39: Beyond Fear Part 7 – Fear of Abandonment

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This next category of fears has been identified by the great visionary Gregg Braden. He says that these three Universal fears are at the base of all the fears and behaviors that are present within ourselves and others.

Universal fears:

  • Abandonment and Separation
  • Low Self-Worth
  • Lack of Trust

These three basic underlying fears are the roots of the sociological and perceptual fears. With few exceptions, our experiences of pain, suffering, illness, disease, and emotional trauma have their roots in these core universal fears.

In his book “The Divine Matrix”, Gregg Braden wrote:

The root of our ‘negative’ experiences may be reduced to one of three universal fears (or a combination of them): abandonment, low self-worth, or lack of trust.”

Let’s look at the fear of abandonment and separation first.

The fear of abandonment and separation stems from the ancient fear that we were abandoned by our creator without explanation or reason. Religions across the globe increase this feeling of separation, of abandonment as well as the belief that we need to repent and change if we are to be forgiven and loved by the creator again. Because of this long history of being left to fend for ourselves, while God/Creator judges from above, we feel alone in the world, in the Universe. We feel without support, without real caring and understanding; we are terrified.

This fear is expressed in our lives when we are devastated when our relationships fail, always being the one who gets “left” in the relationship, and/or being the first to leave a good relationship so that we are not hurt. The truth is that relationships do not fail; they CANNOT fail. They are taking their course as energy streams between people, they are the creations of people’s beliefs, fears and expectations.

If we fear abandonment we become clingy and needy or we go the other way and reject any meaningful connection with another.

What I want to tell you is that if you pay close attention to how you feel, you will know when the fear of abandonment is surfacing. Take a good look at the main relationships in your life: what do you feel? How do you perceive them? Do you allow others to be who they are or do you feel the need to know their every move and every thought? Do you wait for them to fulfill your needs? Are you afraid to open up and be who you are with your lover/partner?

What if you stopped being afraid of true sharing with another person? What if you stopped being afraid that you will be left by someone?

This is intense, I know. But by looking at all this aspects of how you engage others and life in general, by understanding where your choices come from and then make better choices for yourself, you will release fear and become free.

Until tomorrow, just sit with these thoughts, examine your closest relationships and see if you fear abandonment and separation.

Many hugs,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 38: Beyond Fear Part 6 – Perceptual Fear

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Hello! How are you doing so far with this concept of fear, broken into smaller pieces and explained from a different angle? Isn’t it true, that as you keep reading, you are starting to have a completely different understanding with respect to what fear really is? Do you feel like a curtain is lifting and you are able to see beyond it? Good, there’s more to come. By the time you and I are done with this series about fear, you will know what to do and how to free yourself from under all these layers and layers of fear.

Now you know what sociological fears are and how they affect you from different perspectives: collective, familial and individual.

The second category of fears is:

Perceptual fears, which in turn can be:

  • Factual fears
  • Imaginary fears

They are perceptual because they have to do with your perception versus real danger . Some dangers are real, but most of the things you are afraid of are not.

Dr. Janeen Detrick, talks about: IMAGINARY FEAR VERSUS FACT FEAR. She says that fact fear is based on things that are clearly dangerous, like venturing into a rough part of town alone after dark, like going swimming in a big storm, like driving a car you know is unsafe to drive. She says that fact fear is the actual “fight or flight response”. This fear is a powerful mechanism that keeps us safe and out of danger. So this IS a good fear.

Imaginary fear on the other hand, is, as the name clearly states: IMAGINED. There are no facts in it, except the ones fabricated by the mind to justify the fear. Thoughts such as: “What if it does not work?”, “What if I cannot do it?”, “What if they don’t like it?”, “What if I don’t find a life partner?”

You see what I mean? There is no reality behind imaginary fears. “What if I won’t find a job?”. You do not know as a clear fact that you will not find a job or a partner or a new house, do you?

THESE “WHAT IF…” IMAGINARY FEAR MOMENTS HOLD NO TRUE VALUE, EXCEPT FOR YOU TO PRACTICE GETTING OUT OF FEAR BY STATING THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

Let’s say you are preparing a report to present in front of your peers, clients or board of directors and you start feeling afraid: “What if they don’t like it? What if it’s not good enough?“.

When these thoughts come to mind just say the exact opposite to yourself: “What if they like it? That would be great. What if they say that it is the best thing they were presented with on this topic?”.

All these so-called fears are very easy to dismantle and release fully. It takes practice, but it is easy to do. These thought patterns exist ONLY because you have been repeating this way of thinking for many years. But they are only thoughts and you can change your thoughts.

The important thing I want to tell you is that from now on, you can shift your mind from this kind of thoughts, from your imaginary fears. In fact, you must be very diligent about it. In order to change a habit of thought you simply repeat the new thought pattern until IT becomes the new habit.

Ok, come back tomorrow.

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 37: Beyond Fear Part 5 – Individual Fear

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So far I explained the collective and the familial fears, which are based on the interaction with society at large and with your own family. INDIVIDUAL FEARS are based on your own past experiences.

At some point in your life you took a chance and did something you were dreaming of (like opening a new business, falling in love or going on a trip) but it did not turn quite the way you expected, caused you suffering so now you are afraid to do it again.

You decided for example that because you fell in love once, opened up your heart but ended up being rejected and hurt, you would never fall in love again. So now you are afraid to connect with a potential lover. Or, you went for your dream to start a business, did everything you could to make it happen, but it did not take of the ground, you ended up losing money, so now you are playing it safe by not following your heart. You are afraid to live as yourself because something you once tried did not succeed.

These are individual fears. The first layers are embedded in your cells even before you were born. Your emotional lens was pre-conditioned by your mother’s own fears. Now, here is where we go DEEPER and here is where I need you to stay very open: when you were formed as a new life potential in your mother’s womb, your continuously growing number of cells were nestled at the core of your mother’s body, surrounded by HER CELLS. Your cells were PART OF HER BODY. Do you get this? This is BIG. This is POWERFUL. What it means is that your cells were already responding to emotions, to feelings of joy or despair, to fear or love.

YOUR CELLS were FEELING everything that your mother’s cells felt.

Ok, take a breath now and let that sink in. Since your cells were her cells until you were born, your cells responded to and felt everything that she was feeling. If you were exposed to feelings of love, compassion, understanding and passion for life then that is what went into the preparation of your own life. If, on the other hand, you were exposed – in utero – to deeply seated fears, pain, anger and despair, you took it all in and were born already afraid. I know, this is a lot to handle maybe, but please, do accept this as a possibility.

Do you now understand how from a sociological point of view, we are slathered in fear? We are first soaked in family fear; then societal fears weight-load our steps and fog our minds. And then, on top of that, our personally created individual fears stop us from living.

No wonder our world is the way it is now. Do you see how we come to think that there are so many real reasons for us to be afraid? And do you also see that these reasons are not real? That fears are not truly real? They are fabricated, knitted, colored, inflated, expanded, manufactured, embellished soap bubbles? They stem from lack of trust in ourselves, as Louise Hay says:

“Fear is a lack of trust in ourselves, and because of this, we don’t trust Life. We don’t trust that we’re being taken care of on a higher level, so we feel we must control everything from the physical level. Obviously, we’re going to feel fear because we can’t control everything in our lives.”

Tomorrow we’ll delve into another category of fears: the Perceptual Fears.

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 36: Beyond Fear Part 4 – Familial Fear

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It is Thanksgiving Weekend here in Canada and I had the day off, enjoyed a powerful hot yoga class (very hot actually), a wonderful walk on a great trail along lake Ontario and a fabulous Italian dinner with very good friends. For a moment I was tempted to write about all that, but my “Beyond Fear” posts called me back in. What better way to express my thanks and my gratitude than sharing with you what I have learned about the great illusion of fear?

So, let’s go back to the categories of fear. Yesterday I explained the societal or collective fears, which have a strong grasp on our society and assault us every day.

Familial fear on the other hand is what we are exposed to on a smaller scale, in our very own families.

Let’s say that your mother was afraid of germs and of getting sick. Well, chances are that you are afraid of the same things. If you bought into her way of thinking, you believe that germs are scary and that it is extremely easy for you to get sick.

If your parents or primary caretakers were afraid of other people, afraid of life in general, you learnt a specific behavior that you think keeps you safe. The fear, the distrust and living your life in small doses is NOT WHO YOU ARE. It is only learned behavior and THAT YOU CAN CHANGE.

Familial fears are what you were exposed to and what you took at face value only because at that early age you did not really have alternatives. You absorbed everything in your home environment and believed it to be true. The reason you absorbed it all so accurately lies in the capacity for filtering information that we only develop at 7 or 8 years of age. Before then, everything becomes embedded in the subconscious mind and we start living with the embedded information as being the truth.

In order for you to understand what I just said, let’s use an example. Let’s say that someone looks at me today and tells me square in my face that I am stupid. Will I believe that right now? Of course not. I might get irritated by such an attitude, but I know for a fact that I am not stupid so I would definitely not believe the words.

But, if someone had told me when I was a young child that I was stupid and repeated it enough times, I would have believed them in the end. I would have taken their words and considered them to be the truth. As a result, my life would have been shaped by the deep-seated belief that I was stupid and I could not achieve certain things or be who I wanted to be and so on.

The same stands true for the fears that were impressed upon you as a child.

These are familial fears; they are familiar, so you go with them. They are what you know, and until you look at them  and release them, your life will be shaped by them without you even having the awareness of it.

You are not what you are told you were, you are so much more! We all are. So, I will continue my fear posts until there is nothing more to say and you see that what you are afraid of can be let go of fully and for ever.

Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you. I love you.

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 35: Beyond Fear Part 3 – Collective Fear

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I am very grateful to have known and understood fear. For the last couple of years I have been studying it; actually I became fascinated by it, because of the grip it had on me personally. I learned a lot about it, defined it and categorized it and now am ready to share it all with you. This is important; too important not to share.

Healing cannot occur in the presence of fear. The healing process requires the full release of fear. Most people are afraid to look within because fear is the only field that they have been truly trained in, repeatedly and consistently, every single day throughout their lives.

Let’s start dismantling the concept of fear together. Understanding that fear defines our limitations will give us the tools to unleash the force of inner healing.

Intrinsic part of our lives, fears can be categorized as follows:

  1. Sociological
  2. Perceptual
  3. Temporal
  4. Universal

I will explain these categories, one by one. Hold on to your seat, this is big! Let’s start with the the first category, which can be divided farther.

  1. Sociological fear can be:
  • Societal or collective
  • Familial
  • Individual

Today let’s look at the:

  • Societal or collective fear

We are the children of our society and we have been forged and conditioned, taught and chiseled by our forefathers’ beliefs, rules, accomplishments and fears. This would be all good news if our society was based on love, compassion, understanding and respect. Unfortunately it is not. With maybe a few isolated and small cultures around the globe, we live in a world shaped and defined by fear.

Society has been very effective in teaching us to live in fear: fear of war, of cancer, of financial crisis and depression, fear of God, of heart disease, of terrorism, fear of going to hell, of not having the right job, fear of other people, of other nations and other customs, fear of being too fat to be considered beautiful or too weak to become successful, of illnesses and viruses and epidemics.

We live our lives in various gradients of fear without even being aware of this fact. We are imbued with fear in all its colors, flavors and intensities.

Fear is everywhere. People take their first dose of daily fear with their morning coffee, while watching the news, reading the newspaper or listening to the car radio on their way to work. They start to feel the fists of fear in their guts right after brushing their teeth in the morning.

The truth is that fear sells. It is also true that for every sad and disconcerting thing that we hear about in the news, there is a beautiful, uplifting and empowering thing that is happening somewhere in the world in the exact same time. Unfortunately, that would not sell, so the accent is put on what sells: tragedy, pain, and fear. A continuous stream of fear-creating news is bombarding us all day long.

Scientists study the effects of fear on individuals and society. Dr. Deepak Chopra and Jim Clifton in their article entitled “The Fear Factor: How Scared Are People?” say:

“Over the past decade the word “fear” has become all too familiar. After 9/11, critics of the war on terror called it fear-mongering. After the financial crash of 2008, living in a climate of fear became the lot of millions of people who lost their jobs, retirement accounts, and homes.

In the face of such violence, the prevalence of fear can have a profound effect on the health, well-being, and economic development: if a society is in a constant state of fear, it won’t produce anything good.”

Fear is a phenomenon with a strong grasp on our society, and if we are in a constant state of fear, we cannot produce the antidote.

I will explain all the categories of fear in my future posts. Stay tuned!

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 34: Beyond Fear Part 2 – Litany Against Fear

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In the first gratitude post entitled Gaia I shared with you that I used to love science-fiction; I still do. About 20 years ago I came across the “Litany against Fear” in the novel Dune by Frank Herbert. I used it many times, found it powerful and felt its clearing and healing effects. Here it is:

“I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.”

This quote means a lot to me and I am very grateful for having found it; it helped me release the fear of fear itself. Whenever I got ready to face one of my fears, I repeated these words to myself until I felt a great calm energy surrounding me. From this protected space, I turned around and faced my fears, one by one. In the greater awareness of this powerful and calm energy, I was able to see my fears for what they were: inflated balloons, created by society, family or myself.

I realized that I was one with LIFE and I started to TRUST myself and the process of LIFE. By facing and letting go of one fear at a time, I started to feel a lot stronger. I felt protected and supported by myself and by the Universe.

There is so much I want to share with you and will keep writing for many days about fear and how I started to live fearlessly. I am just getting started on the fear issue and I want you to know that what I will share with you will change your life. I want you to completely release all your fears. Follow me.

So until tomorrow, here is my invitation to you: sit quietly and breathe for a few minutes. Read the Litany Against Fear as many times as you need until you start to grasp its depth and its calming, soothing power.

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 33: Beyond Fear Part 1- Dismantling Fear

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What I am sharing with you today is the first post in a longer series, because I want you to stop being afraid. I am grateful that I have the platform created by this blog and that you are reading it, because I believe that this is one of the greatest gifts I can share with you, right from my heart. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you.

Like all of us, I have lived in fear all my life until I understood what fear really is. I want you to understand it too, and to become fully free of it.

Oh, this is something I believe in so strongly in and I have so much to tell you! This will be a long series. Come with me on this journey, let me share with you what I have learned. What I now know about this feared subject transformed the way I live my life, changed the very core of my being and healed me.

This is my gift to you: a series of posts on how to transcend fear, a course on how to become fearless and take your life to the next level.

I am so excited! Come with me. I love you. Thank you.

I have done so much work within myself around fear that now I have a clear method in place that I use if fear starts to build inside me again. I made a commitment to myself to live FEARLESSLY and I do. This does not mean that I jump off cliffs, put myself in dangerous situations and do crazy things in order to prove to myself or others that I can overcome fear. What it means is that I do not have that knot inside my stomach everyday, from fears known and unknown; most people do. It also means that I have built  a series of skills that allow me to recognize in myself when fear starts to peak its head, so that I can free myself up immediately. My decisions are not based on fear anymore and let me assure you: I have made many decisions throughout my life which were based on fear, because that is all I knew. People are consumed with fear and are devoured by it every single minute.

“See you” again tomorrow. Come prepared to dismantle many things you thought were true. Come prepared to start understanding how magnificent you truly are, how powerful and how fearless you are at the core of your being.