DAY 259: Forgive Yourself For Not Being Perfect

angry with yourself

For every situation that you are still angry about, YOU AND ONLY YOU are responsible for letting go.

But what happens when you are angry with yourself?

People say that this type of anger is even harder to let go of.

Is it, really?

Let me get into this a little: you are angry with yourself for something you did or for something you did not do, but the truth is that you have the choice to forgive yourself and move on.

Of course, you can choose to continue to be angry, but this will also continue to poison your body and your mind.

Is this what you really want?

What is done is done.

In an article entitled “Forgiveness“, Louise Hay says:

“The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting yourself free from the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing yourself from the negative energy that you’ve chosen to hold on to. […] No matter what your reasons are for having bitter, unforgiving feelings, you can go beyond them. You have a choice. You can choose to stay stuck and resentful, or you can do yourself a favor by willingly forgiving what happened in the past; letting it go; and then moving on to create a joyous, fulfilling life. You have the freedom to make your life anything you want it to be because you have freedom of choice.”

And here’s a forgiveness affirmation from Louise Hay:

I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT. I AM LIVING THE VERY BEST WAY I KNOW HOW.

Love,

Rucsandra

DAY 258: Let Go Of The Hot Coals Of Anger

hot coals

YOU are the sole creator of your life. Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. Not your parents, not your spouse/partner, not your job, not your bank account, not your friends or relatives; you are the one creating your experience.

Since you are the only person capable of shaping YOUR life, why are you REALLY angry with somebody else? You expected them to please you or at least meet you half way and when they did not comply, you felt hurt.

You had expectations of them and you got angry when THEY could not live up to YOUR expectation of what they were supposed to do.

Probably you did not have a choice in shaping your experiences as you grew up, as most children do not, but YOU DO have a choice now to let go of anger.

Your holding on to anger only hurts you. You are the one suffering.

Let go.

Buddha said:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 223: Feeling Like A Pressure Cooker?

pressure cooker

What happens when a closed pressure cooker is heated on the stove? Simple: there is  a lot of pressure created inside the hermetically closed pot.

If you try to open it when hot, you will get burned and the stuff inside will splatter all over your kitchen.

A hot pressure cooker: this is how people who cannot express emotions, who do not communicate how they feel and what they want, get to feel on a daily basis. They are ready to explode and sometimes they do in violent, inappropriate ways, angry with random people or unrelated events.

Did you ever feel like that? Did you ever lash out at the person in front of you only to be left exhausted, confused and drained once it was all over?

If you did, then there are things inside you that you are keeping hidden even from yourself. Until you get in touch with them and heal your hurt and anger, you will continue to function like a pressure cooker.

And here’s the thing: the building pressure of the burning hot steam will hurt you physically, emotionally and mentally.

Take the pot off the stove, let it cool off completely and then open the lid, willing to look inside.

Examine what you find with compassion and love for yourself.

Let go. Heal. Don’t let the steam burn you.

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 84: Forgiving Yourself

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

“Remember, we do not have to know how to forgive. All we have to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the how. ” – Louise Hay

Forgiveness is a choice. We might not know how to forgive but first we must be willing. I shared with you the painful and powerful moment in my own life when I came face to face with forgiveness as being my choice. In the post entitled Ioana’s Death I wrote:

“In that courtroom, I was fully present in a heightened state of awareness. I was aware of the greatness of that very moment. I knew that it was my choice and my choice only. Life is truly made of what we choose to do with what we encounter.”

Forgiving yourself is no different. You have the power to choose forgiveness over punishment, shame, guilt and blame. You are powerful beyond measure and you have the capacity to set yourself free. But you must want it first and, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says “be willing to entertain the possibility”.

If you are facing the choice of forgiving yourself or continuing to punish yourself for days, months and years to come start here, right now.

Ask yourself if you are willing to forgive the person you were when you did what you did or made the decision that you have been regretting and blaming yourself for ever since. If you are not, accept it as it is, knowing that the possibility exists and revisit the question in a few weeks.

If you are willing, then make the choice right now: choose forgiveness. So far you have been choosing punishment, over and over. Choose differently this time. Choose to forgive yourself.

Trust life to show you how. Your willingness to choose a new path for your life is enough to set the wheels of the Universe in motion. Stay open, allow yourself to be vulnerable, listen and pay attention to the changes that will take place inside you, one step at a time.

Give yourself permission to forgive. You can do it. I know you can, even though you might feel that you cannot. I will hold the torch for you: the torch of refusing to continue limiting yourself by not letting go. YOU CAN DO IT!

Love,

Rucsandra Continue reading

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 83: Can’t Forgive Yourself? Shatter some taboos!

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

It is easier to forgive someone else than to forgive yourself. Why do you think that is? I will tell you what I came to understand about this inability to forgive ourselves. Our upbringing and what our families, schools and society taught us from a very early age among other things is that we are supposed to have all the answers, to be better than others in order to succeed, to be on top of all things at all timer, to work really hard, to keep our mouths shut and to sacrifice ourselves for other people.

With what I know and understand now, I consider that about %90 percent of what we were taught about relationships, money, wars, sex, intuition, power, love, success, history, failure and life in general does not serve us at all. Shocking? Maybe, but think about it with an open mind. Were you taught with kindness, compassion, forgiveness and unconditional love or were you taught through discipline, through punishment and reward, through judgement and comparison with other kids? Take some time to think. This might be rough for you to look at, but please do. Give yourself the gift of honesty and clarity. Let me know if I can assist you with this. What I now know is that understanding the past through the lens of compassion and with an open heart allows us to grow emotionally, to become aware, to be authentic and access the joyful, non-suffering quality of life.

You might not agree with what I am saying, and that is OK. Do not agree, but allow yourself to look at things from different perspectives, to question everything and then decide for yourself. What I am doing is offer you another option, a different angle and sometimes maybe a breath of fresh air through a new view on things.

I don’t like taboos and believe that we must break free from them. Wikipedia says:

A taboo is a vehement prohibition of an action based on the belief that such behavior is either too sacred or too accursed for ordinary individuals to undertake, under threat of supernatural punishment. Such prohibitions are present in virtually all societies. The word has been somewhat expanded in the social sciences to strong prohibitions relating to any area of human activity or custom that is sacred or forbidden based on moral judgment and religious beliefs.  “Breaking a taboo” is usually considered objectionable by society in general, not merely a subset of a culture.

Let’s break some taboos right now by being willing to look at things that are hard to look at and that are not talked about.

Going back to how you were brought up, you now have a very strong belief in success and failure, right and wrong and you believe that the wrong doings must be punished; you believe that so strongly, that you are willing to punish yourself for years for something you did in your past. You think that you failed or you believe that you were wrong and you look at your past decisions with judgment and with no compassion. You want to punish yourself because you think you did something wrong and you are willing to continue punishing yourself for years and years.

I say that is ENOUGH! Haven’t you suffered enough? Haven’t you felt the pain of it all over and over? Let go, let go, let go. Break the taboos within yourself. You did the best you could at the time, with what you knew to be true at that time. How many more years are you going to make yourself suffer? Be willing to contemplate forgiveness. There’s more to come tomorrow, but for now, just contemplate the possibility of forgiveness.

Louise Hay says:

“Remember, we do not have to know how to forgive. All we have to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the how. “

Love,

Rucsandra Continue reading

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 82: The Truth is Setting You Free

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

Today is a great day! I am excited to share with you this extraordinary tool that I used a few times when other methods did not seem to work.

Today, you will feel the power of a Truth Letter, written with full honesty and without judgment.

This is what you do: set aside some time for yourself in a quiet space in your home, in the woods, at the beach, wherever you are. The physical location is not important as long as you have privacy and you set aside about 6o minutes of undisturbed time. It is important to have enough time, so that you do not feel rushed, so that you can be fully present with yourself, your letter and your unique process in the moment.

I want you to stay open and release the resistance of your mind. This process will take place in your heart, in your emotional system, so ask your mind to watch but not interfere. You can do this. Have your Truth Letter handy.

Sit down, close your eyes and do the Square Breathing technique for a few good minutes. Take your time, this is important. Your body will relax; you will feel calmer, quieter, ready to release emotional clutter, ready to let go of what does not serve you. Anger, pain, shame, frustration and hatred eat away at your well-being and weaken your immune system. Breathe and get ready to release this emotional debris that has been holding you captive for a long time.

In this deeply relaxed state, imagine the person your Truth Letter was written to. I want you to close your eyes and call them to join you in their energy form. It does not matter if they are still on this earth or if they have passed away; if you call them from your heart, they will come without hesitation. Breathe and wait a few seconds and then remember them in great detail, as if they are physically right there with you: their face, their hair and their clothes; their posture and facial expression.

One important thing here: when you call this person to join you, he or she will arrive in their essence; there will be no anger, blame, finger pointing or judgment on their part either. They will be the observer and they will listen fully and with compassion. The connection you are creating in this moment is sacred and takes place at soul level, it is above blame and guilt and shame.

Thank them for how quickly they responded to your call and then, keeping eye contact with them in your mind, read them the letter from beginning to end. Read your letter out loud, as if they are right there with you. Keep breathing throughout and remain calm. After all, you are speaking the truth about how you feel. If your emotions become too strong and you start to feel overwhelmed, stop, close your eyes, return to the square breathing until your heart slows down and then continue reading. Read everything you wrote but do not judge them if you are remembering certain events and circumstances. They joined you at your request so that they can truly hear you and be a witness to how you feel, not to be told what they did wrong. Remember, this is not about them; this is about YOU and you alone. As you are reading your Truth Letter, do not get involved with the story, do not get sucked into the past drama of your pain and upset. Just read how you felt then and what you feel now.

Read them the entire letter and at the end hold their gaze. They heard you, they heard every word you said and they understood your pain. You will see it in their eyes; you will hear their words; they will say “I am sorry”; they will truly mean it. Thank them for coming and for listening to you fully and for being a willing witness to your deeply buried pain; then say good bye, thank them again and let them leave your awareness.

Remain in this sacred space of healing and allow the deep release to take place.

By speaking your truth, you are cleansing at a cellular level, releasing deep seated emotional residues.

Breathe.

The truth is setting you free.

Love,

Rucsandra Continue reading

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 51: Angry With Yourself?

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

As I wrote yesterday, I am grateful for the understanding that I am the only creator of my life and the freedom that comes from releasing blame. I am also very grateful for understanding that being angry with myself does not serve me or anyone else around me.

In my post two days ago I wrote that when anger comes up from somewhere deep inside yourself, there are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do

2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

Yesterday I explained why you cannot be angry with somebody else for the things that are happening in your life. Today let’s look at OPTION 2: You are angry with YOURSELF.

Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. YOU are the only creator of your life and you are responsible for YOUR happiness ONLY.

In every situation that you are still angry about, YOU AND ONLY YOU were responsible for standing up for yourself and for having your own back. This means that you angry not with someone else, but WITH YOURSELF.

People say that this type of anger is even harder to let go of.

Is it, really?

With the greater understanding that you are not angry with others but with yourself, let’s work this part together as well. We are getting to the core of this anger issue.

Are THEY responsible for what they did or said and for how they treated you?

The answer is YES! Yes, THEY WERE AND ARE responsible for what THEY DID AND DO AND FOR WHAT THEY SAID OR STILL SAY. They are responsible for ALL THEIR ACTIONS.

And you are responsible for all YOUR actions!

Why did YOU allow others to treat you the way they did? Why did YOU take it? Why did YOU not say something when you really wanted to? Why did YOU not stand up for yourself?

The answer is very simple and will release the blame you might have for yourself: at the time, YOU DID NOT KNOW what else to do. You did not know that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE how YOU want to be treated. You thought you had to stick it out, to be kind and patient and wait for the other to see the truth, to realize what they were doing to you and to see you for who you really are.

Well, you do not have to wait patiently until someone else realizes that you have the right to be treated with respect. You have to start treating yourself with respect.

With this deeper understanding of your old choices, look at yourself back then and acknowledge how afraid, lonely and small you really felt. If the YOU back then knew what you KNOW NOW, do you think the events would have taken the same turn? Of course not! You would have seen the signs and made your choices based on respect and love for yourself.

Would you be angry with a child because they don’t know how things work, stick a nail in the electrical outlet and get zapped? You would not be angry; you would be very concerned and teach them that electrical outlets are dangerous and could really hurt them. You would tell them that you love them and that you want them to be safe.

From an emotional perspective, back then YOU WERE A CHILD. So take a moment now and see the child that you were then, doing his or her best the only way they knew how. You did what you knew, how you knew it and with the understanding you had back then. Back then, you thought that electrical outlets were toys. But now you know they are not and you stay away from them.

Seeing yourself in this light releases your anger, doesn’t it?

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 50: Angry with Somebody Else?

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

Today I am grateful for the understanding that I am the only creator of my life and the freedom that comes from releasing blame. I want you to fully let go of past hurt, anger and blame and feel the amount of inner power that comes from this healing.

In yesterday’s post I wrote that when anger comes up from somewhere deep inside yourself, there are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do

2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

Today let’s look at OPTION 1: You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE.

First of all, I want you to understand that nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. Not your parents, not your spouse/partner, not your job, not your bank account, not your friends or relatives; you are the sole creator of your experience. When you feel confused and being pulled in several directions it is because you do not fully understand yet that only YOU have the capacity to create your life as you desire it to be.

YOU are the only creator of your life and you are responsible for YOUR happiness ONLY. If you take care of your well-being, fulfillment and happiness first, you empower others to do the same; you will always have the resources to assist others, to offer help from your heart and to make a difference.

You are NOT responsible for making others happy, or behave in ways that they agree with or approve of.

Your efforts must be directed towards your authenticity: saying what you are feeling, and acting in ways that RESPECT AND HONOR WHO YOU ARE. There is nothing bad or wrong with what you feel, it is just a signal that some adjustments needs to be done by you, in your life, in order to restore or create your well-being. There are no labels for what you feel. It is not good or bad, it just is what it this in the moment.

What matters is what you CHOOSE to do about what you are feeling.

With this understanding, let’s go back to your being angry with somebody else. Since you are the only person capable of shaping YOUR life, why are you REALLY angry with them? You expected them to please you or at least meet you half way. You laid a large burden on their shoulders to behave a certain way and when things got hard, you felt hurt.

You had expectations of them and you got angry when THEY could not live up to YOUR expectation of what they were supposed to do. All along, you were the only one responsible for making it better, for changing it, for standing up for yourself and for standing behind yourself.

Buddha said:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Let go of the hot coal! The other person does not feel its intense heat, YOU ARE GETTING BURNED BY IT.

You are making others responsible for making it better, or keeping others responsible for having made it so hard for you, when they are not.

YOU are creating YOUR LIFE and they are creating theirs. Others may or may not meet you half way.

By choosing to remain angry, you keep giving away your strength and life force.

Open your hand, let go of the hot coal and heal.

Love,

Rucsandra

 

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 49: Letting Go Of Anger

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

Here’s another big thing that  I am very grateful for: I have learned that anger only hurts me. My being angry does not solve anything, but it can definitely poison my days and my nights. So I made a decision a long time ago to not spend any time on being angry; that is to not spend anymore time than the 90 seconds required for the anger to flush through my system. I wrote about the 90 second rule in my post on Day 9 .

I often talk to my clients about the healing power of letting go of anger. In one of my programs about emotional cleansing, I was asked the following question:

“Other people have really hurt me, how do I release this anger? How do I let it go? I am angry and I am hurting.”

Do you feel like this too? Are you angry because of something that someone else did? Ok, let’s talk about this. And when I am done answering this question, I will share with you one of the most powerful moments of my life. I will share with you the gift of my sister’s death.

Anger is what is left behind after circumstances, events and encounters that have not been easy for you and during which you felt that you were being hurt.

I want to tell you that there is nothing wrong with feeling anger. Since we are emotionally equipped for feeling it, it is meant to be part of our human existence. Anger puts us into motion, forces us to find answers and makes us take action. It is healthy to allow yourself to feel anger fully.

The important point is: HOW LONG are you going to stay angry for?

Remember the 90 Second Rule? That is all the time that your body needs to feel, process and let go of anger. If you are still angry days, weeks, months or even years after it all ended, you are doing so by choice.

Now, I need to stop here for a second, so that you can read the last sentence again.

Even though you might be feeling your anger rising right now at the very concept of your choosing your anger, think about it this way: anger is linked to blame. You are angry because you are blaming someone for your pain. You are caught in a vicious cycle of blame, in a burning ring of anger.

There are two options:

1. You are angry with SOMEBODY ELSE for something they did or did not do
2. You are angry with YOURSELF for something you did or did not do

I will explain these two options in my next post, so stay with me. This is important.

Love,

Rucsandra