“The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting yourself free from the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing yourself from the negative energy that you’ve chosen to hold on to. […] No matter what your reasons are for having bitter, unforgiving feelings, you can go beyond them. You have a choice. You can choose to stay stuck and resentful, or you can do yourself a favor by willingly forgiving what happened in the past; letting it go; and then moving on to create a joyous, fulfilling life. You have the freedom to make your life anything you want it to be because you have freedom of choice.”
And here’s a forgiveness affirmation from Louise Hay:
I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING PERFECT. I AM LIVING THE VERY BEST WAY I KNOW HOW.
YOU are the sole creator of your life. Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. Not your parents, not your spouse/partner, not your job, not your bank account, not your friends or relatives; you are the one creating your experience.
Since you are the only person capable of shaping YOUR life, why are you REALLY angry with somebody else? You expected them to please you or at least meet you half way and when they did not comply, you felt hurt.
You had expectations of them and you got angry when THEY could not live up to YOUR expectation of what they were supposed to do.
Probably you did not have a choice in shaping your experiences as you grew up, as most children do not, but YOU DO have a choice now to let go of anger.
Your holding on to anger only hurts you. You are the one suffering.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
In yesterday’s post I explained that expressing your anger is healthy. There is nothing wrong with getting angry; we all do it and it is a normal occurrence in our human lives.
Acknowledging your feelings and expressing them without feeling guilty about them and without blame is what allows you to move past them.
Bu what happens when you feel that you cannot let go of your anger?
HOW LONG do you intend to stay angry for?
Remember the 90 Second Rule? That is all the time that your body needs to feel, process and let go of anger. If you are still angry days, weeks, months or even years after the events causing your anger ended, you are doing so by choice.
Yes, you read it right: by choice. You are choosing to remain angry. Read about the 90 Second Rule again.
Anger stays alive when it is linked to blame. You are angry because you are blaming someone for your pain. You are caught in a vicious cycle and there are two options: you are angry with somebody else OR you are angry with yourself.
So which one is it? Somebody else or yourself?
Tune in, feel your anger and determine who are you really angry with.
Then come back tomorrow and let’s explore your findings.
There is nothing wrong with feeling anger. Since we are emotionally equipped for feeling it, it is meant to be part of our human existence. Anger puts us into motion, forces us to find answers and makes us take action. It is healthy to allow yourself to feel anger fully.
But here’s what I am inviting you to consider:
Do you acknowledge your anger when you feel it or do you just push it deep down and don’t express it?
How many times do you remember in your life when you felt angry but said nothing?
Are you the type of person who smiles and says ” Oh, it’s OK, I’m OK” when you are angry?
If your chosen response to anger is to bury it every time you feel it, sometimes you will explode. You will feel and act like the character in the image above. You will lose it completely, over something that seemingly has no importance.
You see, when anger is not acknowledged and expressed, it tends to build up inside you, take a life of its own and grow until it accumulates so much energy that it has to come out. That is when it comes out completely out of proportion and knocks you off your feet.
Give yourself permission to feel your anger. There might be a lot of it behind your patient smile. You are allowed to be angry, so let yourself feel it. If you stop hiding it and you look at it, feel it and express it the pressure build-up will start to diminish.
In time, as you learn to express your anger in a healthy way, you will not be triggered and there will be no explosions.