365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 154: Why I Failed So Many Exams

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

As I wrote yesterday, I attempted and failed to pass the university exams four years in a row. Despite the fact that I studied really hard, I failed over and over again. I always blanked out in front of the exam papers, only to remember all the correct answers after handing them in. I failed every single time for four years.

There are a few good reasons for my failures, so let me share them with you:

  • My heart was not in what I was studying; I could definitely understand the concepts well enough in order to be able to pass my exams, but I did not want to study Food Chemistry and Biochemical Technologies (first attempt), or Organic Matter Chemistry and Engineering (second attempt) or pure mathematics at the Faculty of Mathematics and Computer Science (third and fourth attempts).
  • I was without a purpose, since the only thing that interested me (helping people heal) was now off-limits (read about this in the blog on Day 152) my energy was not being directed somewhere I really wanted to be. I felt stagnant, so I stagnated.
  • After the first fail, I started to believe that I did not have what it took for me to go to university. All my friends and colleagues got accepted by the universities of their choice, so I thought that I was not good enough to succeed. As a result, I did not.
  • My feelings of inferiority were a continuation of how I felt during high school: all my close friends and classmates were really good at math, physics, chemistry and I always felt like I did not really belong there. Excelling at algebra, calculus and geometry was applauded and earned respect and praise. I was not that interested in math and so I never excelled. I felt inferior.
  • I did not know that I had the power to change my mind, the power to choose what I wanted. I really believed that forces outside myself were running my life.

So you see, for as long as I stayed in this frame of mind, I did not succeed. I was creating my own reality, according to my beliefs and how I felt about myself.

For as long I continued to feel like that, I experienced failure.

Until one year… when I created success.

More on this tomorrow.

Love,

Rucsandra

365 DAYS OF GRATITUDE – DAY 152: Why I Decided That Medical School Was Not For Me

RUCSANDRA's PICTURE

So why did I change my mind from my childhood dream to become a doctor like my godmother Paula to deciding that medical school was not for me? As I look back, I believe that the most important reason for my change of heart was that one day, when I was 15 or 16 years old, I had the sudden realization that I could not ever do what doctors do; that is, work with people who are sick, in pain, in distress or dying. I felt I just couldn’t do it and that I was not made of that type of material.

Now this recollection really makes me giggle!

I find this to be extremely interesting and somewhat amusing, because of how life led me to a place where I am doing just that, but not as a medical doctor. Over the last 25 years I have built a career that I love and that helps people.

As a Body Transformation Specialist I work with people who are in pain, who’ve had injuries that led to chronic pain; who are in distress and afraid that their discomfort will only get worse. And yes, I even helped relieve the physical discomfort of clients who were near the end of their lives in the physical body.

How I got where I am today from that teenage realization which was the exact opposite?

I’ll reminisce about that tomorrow.

Love,

Rucsandra