Question: I would like to understand the “noise” that I often experience in my head or the feeling of being pulled in several directions with my thoughts and how I use alcohol to quiet down this confusion.”
The noise that you are referring to is created by the dissonance between what you truly feel, or want to say or do, and the actual words, actions or lack of action that you are allowing to be part of your experience. This dissonance creates fear, overwhelm and restlessness. It leaves you feeling suspended and trapped, with no way out.
You feel confused and being pulled in several directions because you do not fully understand yet that only YOU have the capacity to create your life as you desire it to be. Nobody else has the power to create YOUR life, but you. Not your parents, not your spouse/partner, not your job, not your bank account, not your friends or relatives; you are the sole creator of your experience.
Many people feel exactly what you feel and use coping mechanisms to ease their internal discomfort. I did too when I did not know my own inner power and true nature. I too used to believe that my life was created by others, by events and circumstances. I felt overwhelmed, powerless and uncomfortable all the time.
What I want to tell you right now is that underneath it all there is one powerful, beautiful being: YOU. This being knows more than what you were taught to believe about yourself. YOU, the powerful, beautiful and expanded YOU knows how to be silent and listen to what feels right and what does not.
So, from now on, when you feel confused and hear “the noise in your head”, just sit there and ask yourself why you are uncomfortable. Let the answers come to you. THEY ALWAYS DO, since YOU know them already at a deeper level. Even if you are not prepared to do something about what you find out, just allow the awareness to set in.
There is nothing bad or wrong with what you feel, it is just a signal that some adjustments need to be done by you, in your life, in order to restore or create your well-being. Allow the new ideas and feelings to come to surface and sit with them, breathing deeply for a few moments. You do not need to take action right away. First, just get used to listening to yourself.
And then go and have your glass of wine for your pleasure and enjoyment, not as a “coping and running away from YOU” mechanism.
The more you allow yourself to just be and observe your inner dialog and unrest, the clearer your answers will become. This in turn will build your internal stamina and from that vantage point you will make the necessary corrections to bring yourself to a place of well-being and ease.
All is well.