Yesterday I received a question about allowing others to treat us with disrespect, even when we don’t want to be treated that way. The comment to my post said:
“I wonder if it’s even harder when you really knew you didn’t have to take it, but you did anyway. I guess that is a different emotion: shame.”
And my response was:
“I understand what you are saying, but think about it: if you were able to do it differently, you would have done it differently. Since you did not, it means that you were not really able to.”
Louise Hay says that at any given moment, we do what we think is best, with the understanding we have at the time and with the emotional intelligence we poses at the time. It all comes down to how much we value ourselves. When we truly value who we are, we are kind to ourselves and to other people. We do not treat ourselves unkindly, we respect everybody else and we do not allow others to do disrespect or treat us unkindly either.
Do you see? It is not about feeling shame because you let someone be unkind, mean, judgmental or controlling towards you. Shame is a very destructive emotion; shame chips away at your self-esteem and diminishes your life force. If you truly understand the level you were at in your opinion of yourself and what you thought you were worth and deserving of, then you do understand that you did the best you could at the time. At the time, you might have believed that you did not deserve to be treated with respect, with kindness and understanding. Feeling ashamed about it will not help you at all.
This is very powerful and I am grateful for having allowed this deep healing to take place. As I understood the fact that for many years I felt small, afraid and did not believe in my own value as a person, I started to heal my guilt, shame and feeling powerless. This is a process that we all need to go through in order to create the lives we desire. This process is not about feeling shame, it is about allowing our inner power to shine.
Today I am inviting you to look deep inside yourself and examine what was your belief about yourself at a time when you allowed another person to treat you with disrespect. As you heal your limiting beliefs, you will also heal your relationships.
But first, you must heal the relationship you have with yourself.